My favorite place in London

If I had to choose today, it would be Holland Park.  Smaller cousin to Hyde Park, Holland Park is north of where I live, and I can be there in about 15 minutes on the bus.

What I love about Holland Park is that it is three parks in one.  The southern part is open playing fields and wide paths to walk along.  There will usually be cricketers happily sharing the fields with football players, and it is great for pets

The middle section of the park is very upscale and smart (I've learned that the word "posh" has taken on a derogatory meaning, and the appropriate word to say that something is upscale in an admirable way is "smart.")  There is a cafe, carefully tended gardens, and sculpture.

A highlight is the Japanese Peace Garden

Finally, the northern section of Holland Park is woodland, that makes you feel that you are no longer in a big city

They also stage operas in the summertime in a huge tent in Holland Park, although I didn't get to any this past summer (the prices are really steep).

My first football match

Since my flat is a short walk to Stamford Bridge, the home stadium of the Chelsea Football Club, I got a ticket to see a game.  Looking at the schedule (called the "fixtures"), there was a home game against nearby Fulham for a Friday night.

I arrived home a few hours before the game to do a conference call from the flat.  The tube station I used took me past the stadium.  Since there is no parking, and therefore no tailgating, everyone goes to the nearby pubs to "warm up" for the match.  Many of these pubs had signs up that said "Home Supporters Only," and there was at least one that had a policeman outside checking your ticket.  It's easy to tell if someone is a fan of the visiting team, because they all sit in one section (more on that later).  The main street in front of the stadium is blocked off for about a mile, which is no small problem for traffic since it is one of the main routes west out of Central London.  There were police every few yards, and even some on horseback.  In all, it was a very calm and family-friendly atmosphere.

As you enter the stadium from a series of ramps, the first thing you encounter inside is a betting booth, where you can wager on the game.

Once I got settled in my seat, it took me a few minutes to notice that no one around me was eating or drinking.  This is because food and drink are prohibited in the stands.  This was my first indication that this was going to be a long night.  There are no giant screens showing replays, and since there are no timeouts, there is no on-field entertainment (e.g. mascots, cheerleaders [note: cricket has cheerleaders]), and no sequences on the big screens like player interviews or highlights from other games.  There was very little chatter amongst the fans, and most of what I heard was in Russian (I think).  Since there are no timeouts or clock stoppages of any kind, for 45 minutes I had no choice but to watch the match.

The visiting fans are all seated together in the lowed deck of the south side of the stadium.  They are surrounded by police.  There weren't many of them there, and they seemed to be having a fine time.

 The section above them featured the liveliest bunch of fans, who spent the game singing and chanting.  I couldn't hear what they were saying, but they looked like they were having a jolly evening.

No one held up funny signs, nor were there any marriage proposals on the scoreboard (wherever that was, I don't think I saw it, but what's the point of a scoreboard when there is little chance of anyone scoring).

Football teams here for the most part don't have names other than their home location.  So the Chelsea team is just called "Chelsea", instead of something menacing like the Chelsea Spitfires or the Chelsea QueueJumpers.

After 45 minutes, there is a short halftime.  Everyone runs to get food, a beer, and a toilet break, and then back to their seats.    This meant another 45 minutes of uninterrupted football, plus additional time that is added on to the end of the game for various reasons (injury time, etc), none of which have to do with the fans actually wanting to see more of this.

I left a bit early, which caused quite a bit of consternation among the security guards ("all you feeling ill, sir?"), so I guess that's another thing you don't do.

One final observation after watching the match as best as I could:  these guys are really good.

things I miss...

Six months without a cheesesteak.  Woe is me!

Breaking News: UK lifts ban on royals marrying Catholics.

Time for me to start hanging out at royal singles events!

The NFL at Wembley Stadium

Last night I went to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers/Chicago Bears NFL game played at Wembley Stadium in London.  A few notes:

• I lived in Tampa, FL from 1995 - 2005, and for eight of those years had season tickets for the Bucs.  Though I since moved to Philadelphia, I will always have a fondness for the Buccaneers.  I wore an old Buccaneers jersey #47, John Lynch.
• I went with my friend Mark, who is a Brit who spent a few years in Tampa, and Mark and I went to Bucs games together in Tampa, so don't tell me there's no such thing as karma.
• Wembley Stadium is terrific.  It's full capacity is something like 90,000, though there were 'only' 78,000 at the game last night.  It's spacious and clean, hardly any queueing necessary (except for the cash machine).
• At most British sporting events you are not permitted to eat or drink at your seat (seriously).  This rule is suspended for NFL games.
• Brits and Americans show up at the game wearing the jersey of their favorite NFL teams, not just those playing.  I've never seen such a variety of jerseys, hats, and t-shirts.  Most popular?  Definitely the New England Patriots.
• Some UK folks are quite devoted NFL fans.  On the subway ride home from the game, I chatted with a young Irish fellow who had been a serious Bucs fan for much longer than I ever was.
• Trying to explain American football to someone who is not famliar with it (Mark's son Josh was with us) reminds you how amusingly arbitrary the rules of most sports are. "So if the kickoff goes out of bounds, why don't they put the ball where it went out of bounds?" "Because they put it 30 yards from where it was kicked." "Why?" "Beats me."
• Sharpest observation from Josh: "I can't believe how many players run on and off the field every two minutes."
• Before the game, both "The Star Spangled Banner" and "God Save the Queen" were played.  One difference between American and British sporting events is that they don't normally play the national anthem (any national anthem) before the game starts.  Another difference:  when "God Save the Queen" is played, everyone sings.  78,000 people singing it together is memorable.
• There was a squirrel on the field for much of the first quarter.  No one on the field paid any attention to it (luckily, it was far from the action).  This prompted chants rooting for the squirrel ("first down, squirrel!")
• The people sitting behind us were speaking mostly in German (I think).  So for much of the game I heard "blah blah blah holding....blah blah blah linebacker...blah blah blah why do you throw for four yards when it's third and 15?"
• 70,000 people exiting a game and heading to one subway station sounds like a bad idea.  Given the Brits' skill at crowd control, and their general passivity for queueing, this was no problem at all.
• Earlier in the day, we watched on TV as Manchester City beat Manchester United 6 - 1 at Man. U's home stadium.  Not exactly David beating Goliath, but close to it.  The last time City beat United by that much was 1926.  As Mark is a passionate City fan, this was a historic win for him.  (Footnote:  the Glazer family, who own the Buccaneers, also own Man. United).
• The Bucs need to be more consistent on defense!  They lost after a fierce 4th-quarter rally.

Why Monster Truck Rallies are not popular in Britain

In almost six months here, I have not seen one ad for a monster truck rally.
Discuss:

Hypothesis 1:  Fuel is very expensive here, about $8 per gallon.  Sports that waste fuel are not economically feasible.

Contradiction:  Motor sports are much more popular here than in the US (the exception being NASCAR, which is understandable because rednecks turning left for eight hours is not a sport).  They have motorcycle races in places called "The Isle of Man" (sounds like a euphemism for a bald spot), and car rallies that last longer than cricket matches.

Hypothesis 2:  In Britain, trucks are called "lorries", and "monster lorry" just doesn't sound exciting.

Contradiction:  Pass

Hypothesis 3:  TV and radio ads for monster truck rallies require a voiceover track that Brits just can't pull off.

American version:  " Race Fans!! (race fans....race fans....race fans).  This Friday at the COOOOWWW PALACE, the BIGGGGGESSST monster truck show since last month!!!!  See BIGFOOOOOT jump 20 VW beetles!  See Graaaaavedigerrrr destroy a 1967 Chevy Impala!!!  If it's too LOOOOUD, you're too OOOOLD!!!!! (discount tickets available at your local Safeway)"

UK version:  "Motor sporting enthusiasts!  If your diary is not otherwise booked, we invite you to the Princess of Wales Family Fun Centre in Wembley Crossing for a lorry fayre!  See elaborately-decorated lorries with comical names overcome large pointless obstacles!  Watch them spew jets of flaming gas, and emit sparks in copious quantities!  Persons with acute hearing are cautioned."

New London Theatre: War Horse

The dramatic play "War Horse" has won bucketfulls of awards and has made troughs of money. The reviews have generally been stellar; my brother even recommends it.   So, it was with high expectations that I went to see "War Horse" at the New London Theatre, on Drury Lane.

First let it be said that the puppetry of the horses is remarkable.  Each horse is operated by three puppeteers, who are always visible but never noticeable.  The inspired element of the design is the ears, which express the horse's inner thoughts (sort of -- what puppetry really shows us is the power of the human imagination to ascribe meaning to the movement of wood, fabric, and metal).  The scene-stealer is the goose, which is pushed along on a stick like a children's toy, and gets all of the good physical comedy bits.

The cast is game enough, and works with the puppets and the large stage with confidence.  But, by the second act, it becomes all too apparent that the story is a gallop of melodramatic cliches.  The play then alternates from loud-and-blinding-isn't-war-horrible (odd it never occurred to anyone to write a play about that before) to long stretches of dialogue in French and German (oooh, how sophisticated) that keep the horses in the background (big mistake). And just when things aren't tedious enough, we introduce the Little Girl Who Loves the Horse and Yells a Lot.  Now I understand why British theatres let you bring drinks to your seat.

Steven Spielberg's film version is scheduled for release in the USA in time for Christmas 2011.  Instead of the puppets, the film will use real horses.  Expect lots of CGI, and it's hard to imagine "War Horse" working without the puppets.  But, I'm not one to underestimate Steven Spielberg, plus the cast includes Emily Watson, who is the Best Actress Ever (if you haven't seen the film "Breaking the Waves", see it, and prepare to be shattered).

Worth seeing?  Yes, because the puppetry is unprecedented and thrilling; but leave at the interval and spare yourself the noise.

Bach St Matthew Passion at the National Theatre

The Bach "St Matthew Passion" is one of those pieces of classical music that I've always heard about, but never heard.  It's regarded as one of the greatest pieces of sacred music ever written.  On Friday (30 Sept 2011), the National Theatre presented the version of the St Matthew created by the great British director, Jonathan Miller.  In Miller's staging, the orchestra sits in a circle, with the players and the singers in casual dress.  Throughout the piece, the singers and orchestra interact with each other.  It's staged to be performed in a theatre-in-the-round, but since the National is not set up that way, they put about 100 seats on the back of the stage, behind the performers.  I was lucky enough to get a stage seat, and my seat was at the dead-center of the stage.  For 12 GBP, it was an experience I will never forget.

One weird moment was when I realised that a major theme of the piece, "Oh Sacred Head Sore Wounded" was used by Simon and Garfunkel as the melody to "An American Song." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UasmivVYfPA

Another priceless London experience.

Tony Bennett Live

Last night I saw Tony Bennett perform live at the Palladium Theatre in London.  It was a special one-night-only gig to celebrate his 85th birthday. The old man still can swing it, and the crowd went nuts after every song.  Just to prove he still has the pipes, he sang the last song without a microphone.  In a 2,300 seat venue.  Bennett has more class in his sideburns than everyone in the Billboard Top 10 combined -- except for #1, who is Bennett himself!

The National Gallery - Room by Room

I decided that the best way to get to know a museum is to have a favorite object in each room.  This compels you to look at every object in every room.  Some museums like to move objects around, especially those where a large portion of the collection is not on permanent display (for example, the British Museum only displays about 10% of their total collection).  Art Museums tend to display everything they have.  One of the distinctive things about the National Gallery is that the collection is entirely paintings -- no sculpture or video installations, etc...

Herewith are my room-by-room selection of preferences of the National Gallery on London.   This exercise has shown me a lot about what I like in paintings:

1. Dramatic lighting
2. Fun little details that only emerge after you've stared at a painting a while
3. Painter's errors (e.g., a New Testatment scene with 13 apostles - d'oh!)
4. Cats - a painting is always improved when there's a cat in it

Central Hall
da Brescia: Portrait of a Man - unfinished legs, one of which is solid black.  Must have hit a deadline.

Room C - Holbein and Germany
Hans Holbein the Younger:  The Ambassadors - portrait of two men, with a weird distorted skull that is only in perspective when you stand to the extreme right of the picture

Room D - Coreggio
Coreggio:  Ecce Homo (Pilate presents Christ to the crowd) - captures the enormity of the moment, and puts Pilate in the background, almost irrelevant.

Room E - Leonardo and Lombardy
DaVinci:  Virgin of the Rocks - unfinished, but that doesn't matter, it's a freakin' DaVinci.
Room 5 - Netherlands 1500
David: Adoration of the Kings - nativity scene oddly set in the ruins of a German castle; there are a lot of paintings like this, that show stories from the Bible or from mythology but with clothing and settings that are contemporary.  Did this not seem weird to people?

Massys:  Old Woman - amazing portrait, probably not an actual person, of a very ugly old woman.  Painting can be funny.

Room 6 - Ferrara and Bologna
Nothing in this room absorbed me.
Room 7 - Jacopo Pontormo
Nothing stirred me in this room

Room 8 - Florence and Rome
Michelangelo:  Manchester Madonna - unfinished, but still masterful.

Room 9 - Venice and Veneto
Tintoretto:  Christ Washing the Disciples' Feet - monumental, you have to stand all the way across the room the take it in.

Room 10 - Venice
Sorry, nothing here for me.
Room 11 - Joachim Beuckelaer
Nothing here.  Starting to get depressing.

Room 12 - Titian and Venice
Titian:  Bacchus & Aridane - lots going on in this one, takes a while to piece it all together.  Thank heavens for the audio guide.

Room 13 - CLOSED.  See room B.

Room 14 - Netherlands
Gossaert:  Adoration (of you know who) - outrageously detailed and colorful, one of the most spectacular paintings I've ever seen, with major error of 'transparent' paving stones at bottom.

Room 15 - Claude and Turner
JMW Turner:  Dido Building Carthage -- the room consists of four paintings, two by Turner and two by Claude.  Turner donated his two paintings to the National on the condition that they be hung beside the two Claudes.  I'm always a sucker for Dido and Aeneas stories, because I spent my third year of high scool attempting to translate The Aeneid.

Room 16 - Early Rembrandt
Heda: Still Life -- Transparent orange peel in and otherwise wonderful still life.  I've come to appreciate still lives as painter's showing off.

Follower of Rembrandt:  Man Seated at Table -- dramatic lighting, mostly very dark.

Room 17: Dutch Italianate Painting
Lastman:  Juno Discovers Jupiter with Io - another one with a lot of story going on, and I've always wondered where Jupiter's moon Io gets its name.

Room 17a: Dutch Mannerism
van Delen:  Architectural Fantasy - crazy elaborate architectural composition.

Room 18:  France
LeNain:  Four Figures at a Table - women with heartbreakingly sad faces

Room 19: Poussin
Wouters:  Nymphs Surprised by Satyrs - lust never looked so gorgeous.

Room 20:  Claude (Lorrain)
Claude:  Cephalus and Procris - I've looked at this painting for a while, and I can't figure out why there are square dents on all of the cows.

Room 21:  Dutch Painting
Dujardin:  Woman and Boy - the boy is peeing.  whaa?

Mieris:  Woman and Fish Peddler - there's a cat

Room 22:  Amsterdam and Dutch Painting 1650-1670
der Heyden:  Westerkerk Amsterdam - picture of a church, framed from across a canal, with amazing detail in paving stones, thousands of them painted individually in what is otherwise a lifeless painting.

Steen:  Effects of Intemperance - cat!

Room 23:  Rembrandt and Dutch Painting 1640-1660
Rembrandt:  Self-portrait - because Rembrandt self-portraits always steal the show.

Room 24:  Rembrandt and Dutch Caravaggists
Cornelis van Haarlem:  Followers of Cadmus Devoured by Dragon - this is a painting of a guy getting his face bitten off by a dragon.  Little is left to the imagination.

Room 25:  Vermeer and Delft Painters
Hoogstraten:  3-D diorama of a  Dutch House - the only object in the museum that is not a painting.  Very clever construction that has you look through a hole in a box and see a domestic scene.

Room 26:  Dutch Scenes
van Ostade:  Alchemist - lots of detail, great story being told, but all in a very dimly-lit setting, so you have to work to see every detail.

Room 27:  Dutch Scenes
ter Borch:  Woman Playing Theorbo - terrific texture in the cloth, the painting shows a woman with two men, and there's a lot of ambiguity in the relationships betwen them (suggestions that she is a prostitute).

Codde:  Woman Holding Mirror - cat!

Room 28:  Flanders
Teniers:  Rich Man Being Led to Hell - weird monsters all over the painting; pretty nightmarish stuff

Teniers:  Old Peasant Caresses Maid - cat!

Room 29:  Peter Paul Rubens
Hard to pick one in this room, but the Samson and Delilah has spectacular lighting effects.

Room 30 - Spain 17th Century
Zurbaran:  Two paintings of St. Francis of Assisi - in contrast (pun intended) to the color-saturated paintings in the room, these two are stark, almost tintypes.

Room 31 - Anthony Van Dyck
Van Dyck:  Charles I on a horse - the head of the horse is ridiculously out of proportion to the rest of the painting.

Jordaens:  Portrait of a Couple - features a dog that looks like an Ewok

Room 32 - Italy 17th Century
Liss:  Judith in the Tent of Holofernes - gruesome beheading., no detail is spared

Rosa:  Witches at their Incantation - very disturbing images with weird monsters, this painting will give you nightmares.

Room 33 - France 1700 - 1800
LeBrun:  Self-Portrait  - one of only a few female artists featured in the collection.  My, she is pretty

Room 34 - Great Britain 1750 - 1850 (A Favorite Room)
Joseph Wright's:  An Experiment on a Bird of an Air Pump -  depiction of a family observing a demonstration of a vacuum chamber with a bird in it. Lots of great story going on in this one, I love it.

Hogarth:  The Graham Children - hilarious cat in this family portrait.

JMW Turner:  The Fighting Temeraire - voted by Brits as their favorite painting in the National Gallery.

JMW Turner:  Rain, Steam, and Speed - see if you can spot the bunny running from the train

Room 35 - Hogarth
Gainsborough: The Painters Daughters with a Cat - sketch of cat that was never painted in

Hogarth:  Marriage A La Mode - six paintings telling amusing story as only Hogarth could.

Room 36 - British Portraits
Reynolds: Colonel Tarleton - fighting the rebels in the US

Room 37 - Italy
zzzzzzzz

Room 38 - Spain and Venice
Canalettos:  The Basin of San Marco on Ascension Day - so many great Canalettos, tough to choose.

Room 39 - Spain and Venice
Goya:  Duke of Wellington - fine portrait, atypical Goya.

Room 40 - Italy
Tiepolo: Trojan Horse (two paintings) - the horse doesn't look like it's made of wood

Room 41 - The Academy
Delaroche:  Execution of Lady Jane Grey - one of the most heartbreaking pictures ever


Room 42 - Painting Out of Doors 
Jones:  Wall In Naples - curious choice of subject matter

Room 43 - Impressionists
Manet:  Execution of Emperor Maxmilian of Mexico - painting was cut apart and sections were destroyed.  Parts reassembled on a canvas

Monet:  Waterlily Pond - need I say more?

Monet:  Thames Below Westminster - my favorite painting in the collection; atmospheric depiction of the Houses of Parliament in the fog.

Pisarro: Paris at night - great atmosphere.

Room 44 - Pisarro and Seurat
Sorry, got nothing for this room, and I normally like Seurat.

Room 45 - Van Gogh and Cezanne
Van Gogh:  Sunflowers - dude nailed it.

Room 46 - Degas
Nothing here either

Room 51 -
Uglio di Norio:  Altarpiece - Christ rising from the tomb, holding what appears to be the Flag of England (though the painting predates the flag).  Plus, the artist is named "Uglio."

Room 52
Jacopo di Clone:  Crucifixion - the blood spurting from Christ's wounds is over the top.

Room 53 -
Strozzi: Abduction of Helen - a rare 13th century painting not about the Bible.

Room 54
Ucello:  Battle of San Romano - with all of the action, the most interesting thing in this painting is the dead guy lying on the ground; a very early example of foreshortening perspective.

Room 55
Nada

Room 56
Van Eyck:  The Amolfini Portrait - among the greatest paintings in the collection, Van Eyck's detailed work exceeds any painter before or since.

Room 57
del Pollaiuolo:  St Sebastian - St Sebastian being shot to pieces by arrows, some of the bows are accidentally transparent.

Verocchio: Tobias & the Angel - there's a dog that seems to be transparent.

Room 58
Closed

Room 59
Crivelli:  St. Peter Martyr - one of those painting that graphically shows the martydom of a saint, in this one St. Peter Martyr (to be differentiated from St. Peter) has a sword stuck in his head.

Room 60
Pontarcchio: Penelope with Suitors - cat!

Room 61
Mantegna: Introduction of the Cult of Cymbelene to Rome - painted to look like a frieze, shown from a low angle.

Room 62
Oh look, more saints

Room 63
Bermejo: St Michael Triumphs Over the Devil - hilarious face on the devil.

Room 64
And, no big surprise, saints dying

Room 65
Durer:  St Jerome - terrific detail

Unknown:  Domition of the Virgin - rarely-depicted story of the apostles with Mary on her deathbed; there are 13 apostles depicted, when there should only be 11.

Room 66
Signorelli:  Holy Family - Joseph appears to be an African.

Understanding Cricket #1

Went to my first cricket match a few weekends ago, as guest of my good friend ("me mate" will take time to get used to) Mark.

We went to Lord's Cricket Ground, which calls itself  "The Home of Cricket."  Lord's is to cricket as Churchill Downs is to horse racing, or St. Andrew's is to golf -- it's the ultimate shrine to the sport.  Lord's is also home to the Marylebone (that's pronounced "MAR-lee-bone") Cricket Club, which maintains the official cricket rulebook.  Mark bought me a copy of the official rule booklet, which is called "The Laws of Cricket."

 My friend Karen was visiting:

We went to see "county cricket", which meant it was cheap (I think about eight pounds a person).

 Here is the outside of the stands.  The banners show various records set at the club, none of which made any sense to me.

 Here's a view of the pitch from down low

 This is a view of the club member's stands.  Very posh.

 Luxury boxes and cheap seats.  Not a big crowd for county cricket.

 "Has anyone seen the ball?" "I thought you had it." "No, I thought Oliver had it.  Oliver, have you seen the ball?" "When's lunch?"

Watching cricket is very relaxing.  It's really a great way to spend a lazy weekend day (or entire weekend).  Ignoring all of the language, what you are watching is:
1. A guy throwing the ball (the bowler)
2. A guy trying to hit the ball (the batsman)
3. A bunch of other guys trying to catch the ball if it is hit (the olivers)

Close inspection of this photo shows that even the umpire has a sponsor logo on his shirt.

 Stands are empty.  The group of people to the left are taking a tour of the stadium.

 Comparing cricket to baseball (always risky, since I barely understand baseball), cricket seems to move faster.  There's none of the endless fussing by the batter at the plate or by the pitcher on the mound.  The ball is hit on most throws, and since there are no foul balls, every hit counts.  This is why scores of 400 runs is not unusual, and an individual player can score 100.

 They are serious that you stay in your seat while the game is going on.

 This is the famous "father time" weather vane at Lord's.

 The teams take a 45-minute lunch break, and a mid-afternoon tea break.  The players have lunch in dining rooms at either end of the Lord's clubhouse.

 My goal in life is to understand what this means:

 This is the press box.  Called the UFO.

I think the reason I find cricket confusing is because of the language used to describe it.  Here is an actual quote from an article by Simon Wilde in the 21 August Sunday Times: "Striving for the follow-up yorker, Broad overpitched, allowing Tendulkar to get off the mark with a boundary, but there were few such gifts.  Tendulkar on 14 gave a half-chance return catch to Tim Bresnan, who also hit him with a short ball.  He has been out-thought by England's pacemen this summer but it was Swann who got him this time, gloving a sweep to first slip."  The only clause in that paragraph that I understand is "there were few such gifts," but I don't even follow what the gift was.

The rules are no easier.  Here's a quote from the Laws of Cricket:
LAW 36 LEG BEFORE WICKET
1. Out LBW
The striker is out LBW in the circumstances set out below.
(a) The bowler delivers a ball, not being a No Ball, and
(b) the, ball, if it is not intercepted full pitch, pitches in line between wicket and wicket or on the off side of the striker's wicket, and
(c) the ball not previously having touched his bat, the striker intercepts the ball, either full pitch or after pitching with any part of his person, and
(d) the point of impact, even if above the level of the bails,
either (i) is between wicket and wicket
or (ii) if the striker has made no genuine attempt to play the ball with his bat, is either between wicket and wicket or outside the line of the off stump
and,
(e) but for the interception, the ball would have hit the wicket.

As best as I can tell, this means that you are out as a batter if you intentionally let the ball hit you.

In summary, my first step in understanding cricket is to learn that it can be enjoyable to watch even if you don't know why certain things are going on.

Three Days in Paris

Here are pics.  Narrative to follow.

British Telly Programmes

Some observations on British television:

I don't get cable or satellite, I figured I'd try "regular" television, which here is called Freeview.  As the name implies, it's free, and all you need is a digital coverter (built into my telly) and a wire to connect the telly to the rooftop antenna.  That's right, my telly (alright, enough of that) is connected to Ye Olde Rooftoppe Antennae.

Quiz Shows
Brits love their evening quiz shows.  These are, one on the one hand, pretty highbrow affairs, in that the questions are pretty challenging, and other the other hand, pretty goofy, because the guests are mostly comedians. I'm particular to "QI", which is hosted by the great Stephen Fry.  Here's an episode:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOPfymVkRZE.  Always good for a few laughs.

Evening Dramas
I won't call them "soap operas," but these are the evening drama programmes that have been running forever.  "Coronation Street" has been running since 1960, which makes it the longest-running TV drama still in production.  I started to watch "Corrie" (as it is fondly known as) to pick up on various British accents -- seriously -- and I kind of got hooked on the story after a few episodes.  Unlike American evening soaps, British ones focus mostly on middle-class people.  What I've noticed about these programs is how they are cut:  no scene lasts more than 30 seconds.  So a typical episode goes like this:

Scene 10:  Viv and Reg in Reg's flat.
Viv:  So, Reg, are we going to tell your parents the news?
Reg:  What news?  There's no news to tell my parents!
Viv:  You know what news I'm talking about!!
Reg:  And you're saying we should tell my parents??
Viv:  I'm asking you if you think we should tell them the news!!!

Scene 11:  Clive and Maude at the Rover's Return Pub
Clive:  What was all that fuss about last night?
Maude:  I don't know what you're talking about.
Clive:  C'mon, you know.  There was a regular row.
Maude:  What, last night?  What time?
Clive:  Round about ten.  Quite the row, it was!
Maude:  Get on, I don't know anythin' about a row last night round about ten!

Scene 12:  Maude and Reg at Reg's flat
Maude:  Clive says there was a row at the pub last night, around ten
Reg:  What are you doing here in this scene?  I thought you were at the Rover's Return?
Maude:  I've been in that bloody pub for the last thirty scenes!  I needed some fresh air.
Reg:  Maude, I need to tell you:  I'm secretly your brother!!

Top Gear
I'm told Top Gear is a cult hit in the US, and that they are making a US version. Top Gear is car show, with a difference.  While it's about testing out new cars, there is a bit of an obsession with very expensive cars that no one in the audience could afford.  As the show has matured, it has developed a surreal sense of humor, and the three hosts don't take themselves at all seriously.  On weekends, Top Gear reruns run all day across a variety of channels (a subject of jokes itself).

Dave
The main comedy channel on Freeview is called "Dave."  It shows a lot of standup comedy, as well as the quiz shows and reruns of Top Gear.  When it is off the air (British programmes are off the air a lot), they show a title card onscreen that says "Dave's Not Here."  Alright, they don't, but they should.

US Programs
A lot of time is dedicated to US TV programs, but the selection is pretty much limited to "CSI", "Friends", and "Two and a Half Men."  This may explain why Brits believe that most Americans are either homicidal manics or complete morons.

London Classical Music

London is a great city for classical music. 

London Symphony Orchestra - Barbican Hall
The LSO is regarding as one of the top five symphony orchestras in the world.  I saw the great Bernard Haitink (82 years old!) conduct a Mozart piano concerto and Bruckner's 4th symphony.  The Barbican Centre is about as 70s as a building complex can get, and the lobby areas feel like being in an outdated airport (Savannah, GA, perhaps).  That said, the LSO performance was fantastic.  I've gotten used to the particular sound of the Philadelphia Orchestra, which is all about the string section.  In contrast, the LSO is notable for the brass, and a precision that you typically only hear on carefully-engineered recordings.

Academy of St. Martin-in-the-Fields - Church of St. Martin-in-the-Fields
If you listen to classical music on the radio, you've likely heard of the Academy of St. Martin-in-the-Fields.  They are a chamber orchestra who play without a conductor.  While they perform in many venues around the world, their home turf is the Church of St. Martin-in-the-Fields in Trafalgar Square (no, I don't know which field it is or what St. Martin is doing there).  The playing was phenomenal, and the church itself is an unforgettable venue for their (mostly Baroque) sound.  The Adagio by Samuel Barber had the audience frozen.

Royal Albert Hall - BBC Proms
The Royal Albert Hall is an extravagant performance hall on the edge of Hyde Park.  Originally desginated "The Central Music Hall," when Queen Victoria was present to lay the cornerstone, she announced "I name this place the Royal Albert Hall."  It's across the street from the Albert Memorial, one of the most excessive memorials you will ever see.

The Royal Albert Hall has no air conditioning.  To retrofit the venue with A/C, it would cost as much to tear down and re-build the whole place.

I took a tour of the RAH, and they showed us the Royal Box, and we went into the Royal Retirement Room, which is where the queen takes her break before a performance and during the interval.

The BBC Proms are a summer concert series, in their 117th year.  74 concerts in less than three month, it's the greatest classical music festival in the world.  They're call "the proms" because the audience in the Stalls has no seats, they stand for the whole performance. 

Ok, that didn't explain why they're called Proms.  Prom is short for "promenade" which means to walk or to stand.  So the standing comes in...

Anyway, the tour guide will tell you that the acoustics in RAH are the best in the world, but in the two concerts that I've seen there, there is a distinct echo.  The seats are not very plush, and they sort of rotate around about 90 degrees so that you can pivot towards the stage,

I went to Opening Night at the Proms, and though I can't remember what they played, it was a lot of fun.  The concert was televised, with cameras flying all over the place, and there was a real spirit ot fun in the air that you don't normally encounter in a classical music performance.

Then I went to Prom 37 with a friend.  We first had dinner at the fancy restaurant at the RAH, a small place called Coda.  The food was terrific, and we dined with a view of the Albert Memorial.

The highlight of the performance (if you don't count the person standing in the Stalls who fainted) was the "Enigma Variations" by Elgar, which is as British a piece of music as there is.  Hearing that piece performed by the BBC Philharmonic, among an audience of (mostly Brits) was very moving.

More to come...

Taco Bell

There is no Taco Bell in the UK.  Help me Jebus!

London Theatre

I've been to a few theatre productions in London of late, here's a report.

The National Theatre - "Emperor and Galilean"
After the Royal Shakespeare Company, the "National" is the most prominent theatre company in the country.  Their facility on the South Bank of the Thames river is generally regarded as one of the ugliest buildings in London.  The building houses three separate venues, the Olivier Theatre being the largest with a capacity of almost 1,200.  The stage features a five-storey mechanism for scenery changes that rises from the center of the stage.  "Emperor and Galilean" is a very long, rarely-performed Henrik Ibsen play about the Roman emperor Julian.  The production was impressive -- set, costumes, effects, music, etc., and the acting top-notch. The show was sparsely attended, and the reviews were very mixed.  The only recognizable actor in the cast (of 50) was Ian McDiarmid, who played the Emperor in the last three Star Wars movies.  A healthy dose of "serious theatre."

West End Musical Comedy - "Betty Blue Eyes" at the Novello
A friend from NYC was in town, and I wanted to take them to a show that was not already playing there.  "Betty Blue Eyes" is a new (opened April 2011) musical comedy set in England just after the end of WWII.  The context is the continued rationing of food, and a secret plan to cook and serve an unregistered pig at a private dinner celebrating the marriage of Princess Elizabeth.  It's based on the film "A Private Function," which I have never seen.  The music is enjoyable, if not memorable, and the cast is terrific.  The sets have that "we're just stage sets" look to them. A very entertaining show, although I'm not sure it would make it to New York, as the setting and a lot of the plot elements are very "British."
UPDATE:  The week after we saw "Betty Blue Eyes," the producers announced that the show would be closing in October due to poor sales.

Shakespeare's Globe Theatre - "All's Well That Ends Well
A reconstruction of the original Globe Theatre, this is a open-air venue with hard wood benches, standing room in the Stalls (the bottom-center section of the audience, in the US usually called the Orchestra seating), no sound amplification, minimal sets, and if there is any music, the musicians are on stage.  Very authentic, and beautifully done.  We paid £5 for standing room in the Stalls, probably 10 feet from the stage.  Standing for 2.5 hours sounds like a challenge, but once you get absorbed in the play, you don't mind.  Terrific acting, magnificent constumes (in the Stalls you are close enough to hear the rustling of the fabric), altogether a first-rate experience.  The only difficulty is the play itself, in which the male lead, Betram, is an unlikeable jerk who's change of heart in the last minutes of the play is unconvincing, and you keep wondering why the female lead, Helena, would love such a scumbag (I guess in Shakespearean language that would be "scumbagge.")

St. Martin's Theatre - "The Mousetrap"
Now in it's 59th year, The Mousetrap by Agatha Christie is the longest-running play in history, over 24,000 performances, which is more than twice as long as "Phantom of the Opera" has played on Broadway.  It's a basic whodunnit set in a single room over the course of one evening.  The St. Martin's is a glorious old theatre palace with dark wood everywhere and a striking glass dome roof.  The plot keeps you guessing, largely because most of the characters are very odd, and curiously uncooperative with the police detective trying to solve the murder(s).  Things get pretty melodramatic, partly due to hammy overacting by some of the cast.  At the end of the play, the actors ask that the audience members not reveal the ending (although, Wikipedia does give away who the murderer is -- curse you Wikipedia!!)  A bit of light entertainment, worth an evening.

Footnote
It's a curious tradition in English theatre to have ice cream at the interval (=intermission).  Ushers sell tiny containers of rock-hard ice cream (usually Haagen-Dazs) for £2-£3.  No one knows why this tradition started, although it's likely related to the fact that most London theatres lack air conditioning.

Hamton Court Palace

Hampton Court Palace is most famously known as the preferred residence of Henry VIII, and later William and Mary.  It's a 30-minute train ride from Central London, and aside from being outrageously photogenic, it's one of the few palaces that you can take pictures in.

Approach the main gate with the unicorn, one of the symbols of British Monarchy (perhaps because it, too, is based on fiction?)

 This is the peasant's -- sorry, visitor's -- entrance:

 In the main courtyard, they have concerts during the summer, feautring some pretty big names.  here's the stage:

View of the bleachers for the performance arena:

Clock tower.

 This is the main reception hall.  The decor reflects that Hamton Court was mostly used as a hunting lodge.

This is in a stairwell.  A stairwell!

Gotta paint the ceiling

More stairwell art

Ceiling of a stairwell

Not sure which king this is supposed to be

 Nice courtyard

In this stairwell, the painting runs off the ceiling and down onto the wall

More of that:

Here's the famous 24-hour clock

Nice bed!  I think this was for Queen Mary

 The back entrance...

The gardens.  Unfortunately the weather was heavily overcast

Gardens...

More gardens

Outside the greenhouse where the vine is planted, they keep a section of ground unplanted:

 The Great Vine is the largest grapevine in the world.  It was planted in 1769, and the base is at least 4 feet in diameter.  This is the base:

More of the Great Vine

  Hey, look, gardens!

 Gotta have a fountain

  They really are terribly lovely

 The Maze.  This is a real hedge maze that you can legitimately get lost in.

 I was starting to get a bit nervous before I stumbled upon the exit.

Cost:  £16

Getting there:  Hop on a train from Waterloo station and you're there in half an hour
Kid-friendliness:  Pretty good if they are into the history.  The audio tour is definitely targeted at kids, which means I stopped using it after about five rooms.
Italian Tourist Factor:  Medium risk of Italian tourists.